So a very good friend of mine just broke up with his dedicated girlfriend of 10 years.   As much as I love him, I have to say that he ain't doin' the whole Break Up Thing right- so therefore I have provided this handy "How To" list of steps you must take as the Dumper to insure the mental sanity of the Dumpee (remember, what goes around comes around as Mr. Timberlake says...and I say that the way you end your current relationship usually affects how your next one will end for YOU)...

HOW TO BE A GOOD BREAKER-UPPER:

1.  For God's sake, have the break up conversation IN PERSON!!!  Not over the phone, not over email and definitely NOT by text message!   (Britney Spears shouldn't be your role model in ANY way).  Though it is best to break up in a mutual place, I have to say that it is rather mean to do it in a restaurant/coffee shop where your Dumpee won't be able to break down in tears in dignity.   Remember, you may just want a clean break but the Dumpee is confused, hurt and needs answers- you can't blame them for stalking you later if you won't give them closure now.

2. Flowers, Candy, Money- send all to your Dumpee in that order after the breakup.   I think gifts are more important to MEND a heart that you've broken than to CAPTURE a heart that you want.

3. Be there for your Dumpee- that means don't avoid their calls/emails/texts after the breakup: to do so will only make the Dumpee feel like she/he did something wrong (unless of course they DID do something wrong like cheating or setting your house on fire or something- note: wearing gigantic New Balance sneakers does not count as doing something wrong- though it is very wrong fashion-wise)

4. Don't trash talk your Dumpee to all your friends IN ANY WAY- when your friends ask, be sure to say "We broke up but it was a MUTUAL decision".    Yes, your Dumpee is probably trash-talking you but you probably deserve it for breaking his/her heart.

5. Don't have sex with anyone else for at least 5 years.  (If your Dumpee consents, you may have sex with him/her but be sure to send flowers the next day).

Sound hard?  Well, it can't be harder than getting your heart ripped out through your throat and having the one you trusted do a moon-walk all over it, now can it?    If you follow my advice this time, I guarantee happy break-ups and good relationships in the future.   (Karma, Karma, Karma).